Filling the void…

With running.  I guess that’s what I’m doing.?  It’s no secret that food was my ” go to” for EVERYTHING.  Happy? = EAT. Sad ? = EAT. What to do for fun? = Let’s go out and EAT!   So of course, Thanksgiving  had always been one of my favorite holidays.  Everyone is EXPECTED to stuff their faces until close to vomiting.  I would wake up thinking about all of the different foods that I would be able to consume.  Truly a love affair.  I’m not proud…but I am being honest.

The holiday didn’t have the same intrigue as it once did.  How could it, now with my tiny belly?  Having surgery to lose weight is so much more involved, then making your stomach smaller, eating less and losing weight.  If anyone tells you it’s less than a total mind fuck they are being less than honest with you.  Would I have done things differently ? Besides having it done sooner….absolutely not.  But it’s still a struggle. 

Who would’ve thought that my new first thought when waking up on Thanksgiving morning would be…” my god, it’s a perfect day for a run! Hope I have time to get in 6.”    Getting in 8 ? ….Yes, I am Thankful ! I’m thankful that I have found something to distract my mind and fill whatever void is left from all the crap I used to throw into my body just for the sport of it.

Often people will ask ” Why?” ….why do you want to run that far? Why do you want to race? I just don’t get it….I realize that’s so much more complicated to explain than I realized…

…Because now that I’m not carrying around 100 extra lbs…it’s kind of enjoyable.

…. Because it’s cheaper than therapy..

… Because it takes my mind away from the fact that my eating issues were an addiction…once an addict, always an addict..the fight is daily….running is my ” AA” ..

… Because I have never felt anything better than the wind on my face…and the pounding of my feet on the dirt… and If I happen to splash in a puddle and get my socks dirty…even better !!

…finally…because I CAN ! Because something, someone blessed me with the opportunity to wake up another morning…to push myself just a bit further than I did the day before, and I’m not  wasting one moment with regrets that I didn’t ..

Find what you’re missing….and fill it with something that makes you whole again!

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3 thoughts on “Filling the void…

  1. Christian says:

    I’ve been poking around on your blog. I really love seeing the transformation of your mind and attitude. It’s not about looks, its not about impressing anyone, its just about going out there and being healthy! I love it!

  2. “… Because I have never felt anything better than the wind on my face…and the pounding of my feet on the dirt… and If I happen to splash in a puddle and get my socks dirty…even better !!” <– THIS!!! 🙂

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